5 tell tale signs she's the one you're taking home.

I've shared beds with exes with HER, twice.. and now recently on its second time, on the ride.
Even though I'm having inner monologue's like: "where should we dispose her body?" I'm gonna play a no brainer cue on how to know who's she goin to take w/ her home. Fo' sho'!

1. The girl who selflessly gave up the front seat 'cuz after all it's about who's the driver's gonna take w/ her home right?

2. The ex who's acting like the co pilot of the driver... The GPS, the direction seeker & asker, the one who pays the gas so you can leisurely went home after your horrendous tantrum.

3. The one who sings on every after track like as if she knows the part where the driver smash her steering wheel when that perfect beat comes in.

4. The one who has the most inside jokes. Especially those out of nowhere. There's nothing like a in-your-face passive aggressive insult than showing how you and HER are sooo compatible. #burn

5. Roads and memories. If these two had been to more places than you and her had - guuuurl.... You better step back cuz this is her drift! Ain't nobody goin to topple w/ the first who shared the road junkie highs with her!


There you had it. 'nuff said. Now eat dirt as while me, I'm gonna pass the heck out after that 4-hr ride..... in HER arms.

Curly cues

me staring at the mirror as I'm doing my hair


I suddenly remember that person who always admire these curly cues. Her fingers slowly caress my nape and my eyes instantly rolls back as I have frivolous amusement on that sensation.


I hate that stare I had when I snapped back into the reality. That's how memories fucks my day.


Better continue packing up my shit to Bataan. (Oh, Bataan)

If I were to describe where we are now..

Sweet nothing. False hope. Fleeting moment.

These are what we both are best of making each other. One moment you can send me in a roller coaster but we can get by the next day without talking to each other. We kept throwing cautions in the wind, we are vanishing in the thin air along with your regretful sigh.

I miss being inlove

Yes, I miss being inlove.... A lot! But I miss being in love with you. A lot of things had changed between us, individually. I cannot honestly say until when my 2nd-chance-giving well ran out. All I know is that when I hold your hand, when you stare at me, when u cup you in my embrace and when we kiss - I'm home.


Cuz it's always you. Us. I'd been down different roads and I don't regret searching on those places but I know for myself, deep down, I already found it. This tired soul is WAITING....

Something that I'm not

It's you who taught me not settle for anything less.
I'm sorry that you're confronted by
these sickening abominable formality residuals of my every response.
I never wanted to be that someone you can to while burning your time puffing your cigarette.
I never wanted to be your last option if your night out didn't pan out.
I don't want you to tell me all these sappy things just because a song gets through to you.
To me you're more than that. I missed being your top person-priority.

With a numbing nerves and a grinding teeth I created this.

Do you enjoy this?

Do you enjoy the intermittent heat from this flickering light bulb?
Do you enjoy the splash of a coldness despite the loving voices of care and affection?
Have you grown accustomed to every abrupt exit to escape the tension as it build up?
Tell me how'd you enjoy these lonely words that tears to escape my caving chest?

I want something of permanence.
I want to enjoy every moment we're together and not hear a scolding voice from my logical head.
I want to be able to wave goodbye without torturing myself about the where's and who you'll be with after we part ways.
I want a lasting smile in every flashes of your face without feeling an ounce of jealousy.

Sawdust memories will serve as a sand to my sleep

So hey. It's been quite sometime since I wrote something in this blog. I needed to get this off my chest.... I can't sleep thinking about our phone conversation earlier: you asked me why I'm being cold. I tried explaining myself despite that I told you "I don't know how to answer that" that maybe because I seize the moment that we're together and detach myself every time we're not.

See, it is YOU who is not committed and it is quite a pain to hear it all in a demanding-regretful voice. Is this really all we could ever be?

Earlier I'm talking to a good friend of mine who notices about our vacation picture just a few days ago, the reunion with your. cousins 'cuz after all, you told me, that I am still the girl whom you introduced to your family. I love the memories we made, specially the one that when I told you I wanna be with you. You told me a terrible reason why you're still with her and I didn't bought it. Going back to that old friend of mine, he told me he doubted that I will ever take you out of the picture. I agreed by saying somewhere along these lines: "She will never be a past for me. I might actually end up marrying her someday, I just don't know."



P.s.
Never take my silence as an ignorance nor my calmness as acceptance. It takes so much of me to keep these demons inside.